Joint Custody and Infants

More on joint custody and infants -- Attachment Parenting Org's November newsletter has an article by Dr. Susan Markel that's worth a read:

Q: How feasible is it for the Courts to insist on shared custody of infants and toddlers?

A: "Fair and equitable distribution" is a concept that works with property, but not with young children. In that case, the attachment to the primary caregiver (usually the mother) is the most important and overriding issue.

Maintaining a consistent, nurturing relationship cannot be reduced to a comparison of hours spent with either parent. This is even more critical in a situation where the toddler is breastfeeding (the norm in most areas of the world).

Most often it is the mother who feeds, rocks, diapers and comforts the baby from birth, responding consistently to the needs of the infant and thereby forming a strong emotional attachment. Toddlers and young children are in no way able to understand the concept of time and certainly have no awareness of the needs for a custody arrangement where there is a desire for an equitable arrangement that is satisfactory to both parents. Indeed, a child whose predictable routine has been altered without regard to the anxieties that would be engendered is under unimaginable stress, further compounded by the inability of the child to express verbally the distress that is being experienced.

Children who are attached to their mothers can simply not be expected to endure having that relationship disrupted. The situation between these children's parents regarding their own needs for satisfaction is simply not their burden to bear, and yet, if pursued, (by removing them from their mother for many hours at a time, particularly overnight), the children would be expected to lose their sense of trust. In the long term, any resulting anxiety and depression would then be the forbearers of later emotional problems during early school years, adolescence, and in adulthood.

Even if their parents both genuinely want what is best for these children, it is necessary that these parents, as well as the court system, be educated, enlightened and really committed to understanding the profound problems that will result if prolonged visits are allowed to occur away from the primary caregiver during this sensitive time in their development.

Susan Markel, M.D.

For more information on Dr. Markel's work, see her website at http://www.attachmentparentingdoctor.com/

For more information on the issue of joint custody and infants, see liznotes at the liz library at http://www.thelizlibrary.org/.